Bed Bugs


Yeah. This has been happening.

Michael’s reaction to the bugs is actually a lot milder than mine – I break out in hives immediately and the bites linger angrily for ages. It really sucked though, watching him collect new spots every time he emerged from his crib.

It took us a while to figure out what was going on, thinking it was just mosquitoes at first. We didn’t realise it was something more insidious until I sat down in his bedroom one night during his feed and promptly got feasted upon. General panic ensued, as we attempted to control the problem until the pest control guys got here. We spent hours at Ikea buying a new crib, rushing home past Michael’s bedtime to construct it feverishly. (By the way – constructing a piece of Ikea furniture under severe time pressures feels exactly like a math exam, where you know you have ten minutes left to tackle a complicated question and you need to suppress your blinding panic, and focus focus focus. God forbid you wing it, because you will definitely get the wrong screw into the wrong hole or do Step 3 before Step 2.)

I googled get rid of bed bugs, of course. Which led to the construction of elaborate Moats of Death from tupperware containing dishwashing liquid, stationed beneath each crib leg. We threw out a nice chair. Threw out two mattresses. Poured hot water over everything. Vacuumed everything. Used our hairdryer over every centimeter of Michael’s crib. And still, it seemed that a new bite kept surfacing. I would walk into Michael’s room for one minute and get a bite on my toe. I had bug dreams at night. It was like a horror movie where the enemy is unseen, and powerful, and creepy, and evil.

Hopefully, today is the end of it. This afternoon, two pest control dudes floated in like slightly gangsta godmothers, waving a steam wand and a gigantic spray device which essentially covered my entire house with a fine mist of non-toxic pesticide. They were utterly confident that any bug (bed or otherwise) that so much as touches the stuff is doomed. Apparently, significant advances have been made in bug warfare. This pesticide stuff is so cool. I got him to leave a small jar of it behind, which should render our apartment bugless till our lease runs out next year. I hope it’s as good as it sounds.


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